Abused. Mocked. Betrayed. Humiliated. Tortured.
One of His closest betrayed Him.
His friends ran out on Him, despite their promises of loyalty.
The fickle crowds that cheered now scorn and call for His death.
The very objects of His love - His vehement contenders. Their harsh words ring in His ears, along with the thudding of His own ebbing pulse.

It's to be expected. He can handle this. He loved them so, someday they would see, they would understand. Every heart beat was an effort, but every successful pulse was for them, and for Him... even amidst the pain, the thought of how intensely God would be glorified because of all this sent a flutter of joy to His spirit.

Encompassing pain. Loneliness. Grief.

This He had done His best to prepare for, mentally and spiritually. It was worse than He had imagined, but that innate Presence sustained His spirit to bear it. And - oh it was so worth it! Through the haze of physical pain, the depth of His love brought tears to His eyes. How He loved them...

It wouldn't be long now. Surely soon He would be again in that Presence... Even now, He could feel that constant gaze, throbbing with love and holy pride.
How His heart longed to be home again, craved to be in the very midst of God Himself. Soon. With that grateful thought, He gained the strength to endure another moment.

Then... What?!
He blanched as the frigid shock jolted His Spirit to its core. Wide-eyed, He gasped and cringed.
The Presence within had shifted...
God had turned His back?
No!
His flesh reacted. Fear. Self doubt. Horror. Had He been wrong? Could He have somehow made such an eternal, appalling mistake?
Why?! How could this be? The loneliness of before was nonexistent compared with this utterly wretched...this gaping wound.... What was this unfamiliar filth, this agony of despair taking hold of Him? What was this engulfing His soul?

He recoiled at the realization.
Sin! Severing of hope. Separation...
Alone!
Not You, too! I did it all for You! That You would be glorified! Because You love them, and I love them! Because You asked Me, I did it all with joy! We were in this together all along...why would You leave me now?! Oh, why...I can bear everything but the loss of You!

But He understood. This was the climax of His love and loss. Above the physical pain and loneliness, beyond the human betrayel and misunderstanding, He braced His soul and accepted as this final price was extracted:

He bore our sin and its consequence: Separation.

Though His spirit understood and agonizingly assented, His flesh could hardly withstand the repulsion of separation. With His last, now rapidly vanishing strength, suddenly sustained only by the essence of heartwrenching grief, He cried...

"My God, My God! Why have You forsaken me?"

And in fierce loyalty and relentless love, He gave up His spirit to God as His final sacrifice.

It was finished.

But then you come to a place where God wants you to know Him and nothing else. That's hard to do after Master's Commission. That's hard to do at this age. That's hard to do when you're me.

Many highly intelligent people are poor thinkers. Many people of average intelligence are skilled thinkers. The power of the car is separate from the way the car is driven. -Edward De Bono

I'm spending the night at my relatives house before flying home tomorrow, and this is my 7 year old cousin Courtney's response to my going away:

Me: You know, I probably won't see you now until Christmas
Courtney: You'll see me tomorrow

Kids don't worry too far into the future

I'm headed home to the Black Hills this week. So for any of you that had my PA #s and think to call me...don't. I mean, do call but use the SD #.

Why is it that people want to make religion ritualistic, so often ignoring the heart of the matter? For instance the Franciscans. They did a lot of good in the US, before it was the US, among the Indians. But I would think they would have had time and energy to do more good, had there not been such a focus on rules of what they must and musn't do. Also, the A/G today. Why must the service always be the same order? Why does everyone have to speak in tongues in order to be a deacon, or even to prove you're filled with the Holy Spirit (to whom are we proving it, anyway)?

Throughout history, religious organizations have taken what should be a love relationship and made it into a posted notice: "Warning: Failure to adhere to all rules and regulations will result in immediate dismissal" Violators will be prosecuted (persecuted?) .

How did all this come about, that religion is associated with rituals and rules and traditions? True, the Old Testament is filled with the stuff, but the New Testament requires so little - if any - and indeed dedicates pages and pages to the 'heart of the matter': the heart of the person. If our basis and beginning is the Bible, where did all these other ideas come into play, and how were they allowed to take over?

How did it turn out this way? Where do we get these ridiculous notions? It's so restricting, claustrophobic. The Bible says Jesus has set us free. But religion doesn't sound like freedom to me. It's like being stuck in an elevator three stories undergound in the middle of a humid summer with no air conditioning. I can't breath. Let me out!

The Bible isn't that elevator! The Breath of Life doesn't need an airconditioner. Jesus is a sunny meadow on a crisp fall day with mountains on the horizon - nothing but sky and wind, sunshine and space and scents and laughter! "Dance with me!" He calls.

Just cut loose and let freedom ring!

How is it that my soul longs for something of which I cannot dream? Something inside senses that there's more, but for my dreams it's out of reach. I look in the wrong places? Sometimes I fear reality. There must be more. The Bible grounds me, keeps me in the present. But where is there room for dreaming? I'm afraid of overwhelming, never-ending practicality, and of dreaming and forgetting to live today. Does the process never end? It's always been out of grasp. Somehow, what is is never enough. I want more.

Of what?

Kahli: "You know, if you had red hair you'd be the only one in our family to have that."

Um...I don't get it?

Ken to the kids in the backseat: "Dominic has been awfully quiet. Is he sleeping?"
Kahli: "No."
Ken: "Is he breathing?"
Kahli: "I don't know."

Kahli: "Oh look, a baby dragon fly!"
Jaralei [looks]: "Uh, Kahl? That's a mosquito."

I shouldn't have said anything. The beauty of seeing with a child's eye, that a mosquito can be a baby dragon fly.

"Hopefully i will learn to fight as hard as my heart pounds" - Nolan

Some conversations between 16 year old Natalie and 9 year old Kahli...

This first is about whether or not eating a poisonous spider would harm you:
Natalie: You have so much stomach acid, that if you swallowed a spider, it wouldn't hurt. Like, if you took out your stomach and put it on the kitchen table, it'd eat a hole right through the table.
Kahli [after thinking about it for a moment]: Why would I want to do that?

Kahli: OW! Why did you do that?!
Natalie: Well, I just had this temptation to bite you. [grins] So I did!

***

"When you're happy, the whole world's New York" - Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen
I know, I know, disown me for watching it, but in my defense I'll say that was the only intelligent line of the entire film. However, Kahli's delight with it made the watching altogether worthwhile.

"It does the sheep no good to preach the goodness of a diet of grass, if the wolves are of a different mind."