Yesterday in the gym I tied some kids' hands to their shoe laces. At first they'd try to stand up and walk and when that really didn't work out for them, they just kinda stopped trying and laid on the floor. Then I tried tying just one hand and that was almost funnier because they kinda went in circles like a fly with one wing. Then they'd fall over and do the beached whale flop. But then I had to untie them because they were losing circulation in their hands.

Last night one of the kid's dad looked in the bathroom and said "Is this where the kids go to the bathroom?"

I wasn't sure what to say to that.

Here's your sign.

oh look at how she listens
she says nothing of what she thinks
she just goes stumbling through her memories
staring out on to grey street.

There's an emptiness inside her
and she'll do anything to fill it in
and though it's red blood bleeding from her now,
it's more like cold blue ice in her heart
she feels like kicking out all the windows
and setting fire to this life
she could change everything about her
using colors bold and bright
but all the colors mix together to grey
and it breaks her heart to grey

I like my job so much, it's just...

...sad, because these kids are just so great, so very incredible that I want to make each of them my own, and yet their parents send them to (our) daycare all day long. How can they bear to be away from them all day? Good for me, because then I get to be with them all day long, but these kids deserve better than to be loved on a 10 to 1 ratio. I pick one up and I just want to hold them forever, but I can't because it's not fair to the other kids. I feel bad because every time I hug one child, that means there's 29 others that aren't getting hugged right then. And then I feel guilty because with so many kids thrown together they get wild and desperate and they overwhelm me and I snap at them sometimes, when it's not their fault, not at all.

What can one person do? One person is not enough. That's why we have families, so there's enough love to go around. Daycares were not God's idea.

homesick for something that doesn't exist

...are sweeter far

good luck exploring the infinite abyss

So what does one put in an envelope to one's brother that one hardly knows? He likes to kayak, ski, surf, rock climb and play soccer. I suck at volleyball but I've thought about trying the climbing wall someday. That's something, right?

Here's hoping for Friday...

old relationships are tenacious

thank goodness

why is everyone so far?

good thing my self worth is not based upon my ability to play volleyball

it's going to be a long 8 weeks of thursdays