He felt an urge to pray, to seek forgiveness for what he had done. He began silently with "Dear God," but his mind stalled. The contrition was only a reflex, not real this time. It was only a grasp for certainty, just a reaction to his discomfort at not being able to know he had done the right thing. He stopped, closed down the channel of communication: "Amen," he whispered. Nobody gets out of this life without doubt.