Just came from house church. It sometimes leaves me feeling slightly unsettled. Maybe I hold too tightly to the negative things, and forget to dwell on the positive.

These people haven't been Christians very long, so they lack spiritual maturity in many areas, and yet they are adults who are successful in their secular fields - intellectuals and business men - so they are ... I don't know. Sure of themselves without always being right? Accustomed to being in the know and are unfamiliar with the other side of that fence. Disagreements come up. By nature of my personality I don't like conflict. I don't say anything much, most times. I don't like to say something unless I'm sure of myself, and I hesitate about ever being too sure of myself (sometimes you can be 'sure' of something only to discover the following week, through the process of your spiritual growth and development, or even in the following moment through the correction of someone more wise than you, that you didn't have it exactly straight). So I let the others have at it. I listen and try to learn and define to myself my thoughts on the matter. I don't have a whole lot of credibility with these people, because I'm so young. My Dad has so much Bible training that they respect and listen to him. And of course he knows how to talk a lot better about a lot more than I.

But that doesn't mean the little bit that I do say is good only to be disregarded. That'swhat I feel they do, most times (not my parents, the others). But I think it's only true to an extent, and that unintentionally. I guess it just takes time to build trust and credibility. If I were them, would I stake much on the word of a 22 year old punk girl? Spiritual success is a far cry from wordly success. And I say that in support of both perspectives, not just my own.

Quote of the evening: "You excel at what you do in order to gain credibility in speaking of Christ."

I don't know. Sometimes I feel discouraged. Not because of what this post was about, I guess. I really couldn't care a whole lot less if these people give a rat's patooty about what I say or not. Just...